The weight of a thought

When we think about thinking, we don't usually think about how heavy it can be. Some thoughts can be so heavy that we can barely breath. They weigh us down until we feel like the whole weight of the world is laying on our chest. They make us doubt ourselves, our situations and our ability to overcome. We look around us and see mostly happy faces, but there are literally millions of people walking among us carrying around heavier thoughts than we could ever imagine. They walk around carrying the silent wounds of depression, anxiety and even suicidal thoughts. Would you admit to having heavy thoughts if you were asked, or would you continue to silently suffer? There is this stigma in society that people who feel like this are less of a person, only contributing more to their response of silently suffering. We can research and study or read theories of imbalanced hormones, hereditary genes, upbringings, outside influences and so on, but we still let these people believe that feeling the weight of heavy thoughts makes them less.

We are told don't feel that way, don't get angry, don't cry, don't breath, well I guess you can breath, but stop feeling like that. When we are told these things, we internalize our feelings and they turn into these heavy thoughts that overtake us. We are all here together trying to survive just like the next person, but we aren't allowed to feel any different than they do. When we do, we are less. Some people aren't wired with the confidence to say, I'm allowed to feel that way, I'm allowed to be angry, I'm allowed to cry and I will certainly keep breathing, so they carry around the thoughts of what they wish they had the strength to say, and it just keeps getting heavier. They carry around the thoughts of feeling less, and eventually they start believing it. They say I am less, so I must be.

I have myself carried around the weight of things that I never should have. I believe at some point in most of our lives, we all do. We may not share out stories and often times fight our way out on our own, but we should stop making those that can't, feel like they are less. We aren't all meant to be the same, after all, how boring would that be? We need to extend the compassion and understanding that all humans deserve. When they trust us enough to tell us what feels so heavy, no matter how far fetched it may seem to us, we need to help them understand they aren't alone. We have to remind them that they are worth it, and there is help. I can remember a time in my life when I had things hitting me from all directions, health, finances, work, children, and I just felt the weight of all of it closing in. I kept most of it to myself, and I believe most of us do because we feel we are burdening people, but I remember a moment when I walked into a public restroom wanting to sit there and cry and someone had scribbled into the stall "Even the darkest hour only has sixty minutes." - Morris Mandel. I can remember feeling like I was in the exact moment at the exact time that I was meant to be, and my thoughts started changing in that exact moment. Who would have known when they scribbled on that stall that they would have impacted my life to the extent that they did. We never know how our words and gestures will affect someone else, but we should choose our actions and words wisely because someone may be one thought away from believing the weight of their thoughts are too heavy to carry anymore.